Unglued

Posted by ~Summer~ on 26.6.13
in ,

In the last couple of weeks, I shed some silly-mummy-tears. And I'm not just talking about irritant tears caused by the haze, I'm referring to those emotional tears which are created and released in response to emotional stimulus. 

I'm not sure whether they are really silly or whether other mummies cry over this. But I did, there and then. Uncontrollably. Yes, I admit I have rather active tear glands and the hubby can attest to it. Did you know? Women are biologically wired to shed tears more than men. The male tear duct is larger than the female's, thus men have a big, fat pipe to drain in the rainstorm while women have to deal with overflowing and flooding.



The tears came with the realisation that my once superglue, my girl who stuck 24/7 to me since the day she was born, my girl who spent three long years in a foreign land with me, my girl who used to tug my hair and hugged me like a koala before she could fall asleep, my girl who once would cry whenever Mummy was out of sight, has been unglued.

I know I still have a strong bond with her but somewhere in her heart, it seems like Mummy is champion no more. She now requests for the Daddy to read bedtime stories to her, she wants Daddy to bathe her, she likes Daddy to bring her out to play, she chants "Da-di-da-di" when she is in a crying fit. One day, she was throwing her usual tantrum and demanding to be carried, probably a little jealous of how we always carry the little sister. I reached out my arms and walked towards her, wanting to comfort my darling girl. For the first time ever, she pushed me away. Yes, not forcefully, but a push nonetheless. Then she said "I want Daddy to carry".

If hearts could be broken, mine was smashed into a thousand million pieces at that moment. My lips started to tremble, then they quivered, and the next thing I knew, I ran into the room and buried myself in my pillow so no one could see those silly-mummy-tears.

Well, if it's of any consolation, the good thing is that my girl has an innate ability to sense it whenever Mummy is feeling down. So she came over, gave me a hug, said "Mummy, I love you" but ran off to be with Daddy thereafter.

******

You know, in times like this, I can truly understand why some parents choose to have only one kid. When there is only one, you can devote all the time, love, money and effort to her and her only. While I was kinda right in believing that love can be multiplied with every child, the sad fact is that time can only be divided.

This is especially so when you have an infant in the house and every time she hollers, you need to cater to her needs. As a result, I am forced to have less time for my elder girl than before and I even expect her to behave like a big sister at times and display mature behaviour like not bugging me when I am cooking or help to entertain the little one when she cries.

To be fair, I can't ask for a better big sister. She kisses meimei a hundred times a day, hugs her every morning and night, gives her a teether when she wants to munch on books and newspapers, sings and dances for her, laughs and giggles with her, cuddles and huddles with her.

I've heard of cases when the elder sibling gets so jealous of their baby brother and sister and throws tantrums whenever the mum needs to attend to the baby. For instance, I have a friend whose boy will cry and act up whenever she needs to nurse his baby sister, to the extent that breastfeeding became a challenge and a chaos. Kids, they just don't like to share their mums, right? At the beginning, at least.



For Angel, you know what she does when we are in bed and I am nursing the little one? She lies down beside me, puts her hand around me and then says "Mummy, later when you feed meimei already, can you come and hug me?" Sweet, isn't it? I can't ask for a better big sister for now.

While I totally appreciate her generous behaviour, I also come to realise how neglected she has been as compared to when she was the one and only. How then can I even blame her for not wanting to stick to mama as much as before? How then can I try to maintain two very strong bonds with both of my girls? How then can I try to get back that superglue or is it really time for us to part?

Time, I need to find a way to stop you or multiply you.

******

So, there goes my silly-mummy-tears story. Silly or not, I have shed them more times than I like.



For now, if I can't increase time, I am making it a point to share time with my girls. And when I get a chance to, I also let the hubby take care of the little one (which is usually possible for at most half an hour) while I take the chance to re-bond with my big girl.

To read books to her, to take her out to the playground, to listen to her stories, to watch an episode of Dora with her, to hold her little hand and embrace her so very tightly, reminding myself that this is one girl who will always be so special to me, regardless how old she grows or how many times my heart breaks.

I love you so very deeply, my made-in-Sweden superglue, and I hope you know that this will never, ever change and I will always love you so much.

24 comments:

  1. Summer... dunno why... but I teared at my desk reading this. Such a heartwarming post. Already now I feel jealous when my boy only wants Papa. I cannot imagine when I have a second kid...

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    1. Awww Shermeen, thanks for reading. Oh yeah, I never thought I would feel this jealous but I do, especially when all along I was the one who got all the attention from her. Having a second kid changes things somewhat but I am sure the rewards are there, I just need to learn to manage the time between them and of course keep my emotions in check. Tsk tsk.

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  2. Super awwww and so true. I have 2 boys myself and when I used to nurse the second one, I often had to leave my elder one alone in the living room. He would either watch TV, play with my Iphone or play with his toys. There was once when I was in the room feeding, I could hear the elder one in the living room dragging chairs all over. For a while I panicked, thought he wanted to climb out or something, but he came into the room a while later and proudly told me he had switched off all the lights and TV, and closed the door so we can all sleep together. This made me tear and at that moment, I was so so thankful for him. And he's only 3 years old. :')

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    1. Wow he's so awesome despite being just 3! I am also amazed by how being an elder sibling sorta makes these kids grow up suddenly. My girl also learns to take care of meimei in ways I didn't know she knew. It's sweet having more than one kid around, right? I just really need to better manage the time somehow, like you say, whenever I need to nurse the little one (and that's like erm 8-10 times a day?), the bigger one has to entertain herself somehow and that just makes me sad when I see her all alone there.

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  3. Understand this feeling when my elder daughter says "I want DaDi!". Looking at the bright side, there are sweet moments when I see my two children playing happily together!

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    1. Oh yeah, my girl now chants Da-di non-stop at times and it just makes me laugh and cry at the same time. I am sure those sweet moments are there, especially once my little one is old enough to play with jiejie! Those moments of them cuddling together and holding hands when they sleep have already stolen my heart! =)

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  4. Actually it's nice that she's bonding with daddy. Then he can get more involved! Better than both clamouring for your attention when you can physically only do one thing at a time. :) Mummy just needs to adjust a bit emotionally...

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    1. Haha you are right, Lyndis. I do have more time to breathe and bond with the baby. Well, I shall try not to be such an emotional mum and it's not like I lost the bond with her right? It's just that things are evolving slowly and I need to get my head around it. =) Thanks for stopping by!

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    2. Yup I think it's inevitable that we feel like that as they grow. I look back at photos a year back and wonder, where did that little girl go already? I think we'll be the real wrecks on their wedding day!

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    3. Wedding day? What wedding day? Haha. I can't even imagine that yet, you know. I was talking to my sis-in-law and she was saying next time she would wanna stay near her daughter after she gets married and have a house of her own. Oh man. I can't think how it would be not living with my girls! I am so not ready for them to grow up and have their own kids yet!

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  5. I also felt the rush of emotions but it's so sweet Angel comforts u when u are down and she's such an affectionate big sister.

    But it's great she now wants Daddy. My little guy does ask Daddy to play with him more but it's always Mummy for quality bed-time moments so I am enjoying the break (and like Lyndis says, adjusting well emotionally)

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    1. Oh yeah, she is really affectionate esp towards the little sister. Yes yes, me need to adjust emotionally. Lol. Of course she still comes running back to me when she has needs, it's always the case, right? Got needs it's mama. Got wants it's papa. Keke. It's like instinct, when hungry, tired or wanna sleep, find mummy. When energetic, happy and wanna play, go find papa. =)

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  6. Don't know if it's the preggy hormones or not but tears welled up in my eyes when I read it! Totally feel u babe!

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    1. Awww I bet it's the hormones. Hehe. =) You will feel me more than your #2 comes, Made! =) Nonetheless, it will be such an exciting time and it's so nice J will have a baby sis/bro to play with soon!!

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  7. Totally totally totally understand! I also never thought I could love another as much as Poppy, but it is true that love can be multiplied. It's time that can't! But in a way it's good cos now our older ones know they can also turn to their dads, and it's nice for them to have this bonding too.

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    1. Yeah if only time can be multiplied too, why is it that as a mum, 24 hours doesn't seem to be enough?? Well, yes, it's nice to see them bond for sure. Angel was always close to her dad even in Sweden, but not to the extent that she would reject me to run into her arms or insist that he has to be 'the one'. So that was what triggered off my emotions. Mummy is rejected!

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  8. Ps love th pic of Angel when she was so small!

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    1. Keke oh yeah, I love to dig up these old pics and be reminded how cute and little she was!

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  9. Angel is so sweet and you're a blessed mummy to have such an understanding and thoughtful girl. These days Sophie also stick to daddy but I'm not complaining since it gives them more opportunities to bond and play. These days it's so encouraging to see the daddies being more involved with the kids, so it's good that Angel is looking for daddy. I feel that girls will always be daddy's little girl.

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    1. Thanks, Susan. =) Haha yes all fathers love having little girls who stick around them and see them as their world, right? I know it is a good thing to see them bonding and to know that the hubs has a close r/s with her. Well, it's like now Ariel is the superglue (cries whenever I go away and refuses to let the Dad carry) while Angel has overgrown that sticky phase already. I just need to get used to my new brand of superglue and when this wears out too, I think I am going to bury my face in the pillow again. Lol.

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  10. I get those from time to time, and it got even harder when my kids chose my mother-in-law over me. But you are a good mom - the kids know it. Hugs. :)

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    1. I know what you mean, I think I might faint if one day the girls choose the grandparents over me. It's not that we are possessive of our kids, it's just kinda sad if mummy becomes a less preferred option. Especially when I am a SAHM and devote all the time to being their primary caregiver. Well, so nice to know I am not alone in my silly feelings. Thanks Kless! =)

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  11. hey summer, i am currently experiencing the opposite.. my superglue no1 is extremely sticky after our weeklong holiday overseas without perth.. so much so tat every morning it has been a struggle dropping her off at school. my heart breaks each times she cries miserably and clings on to me when i have to send her in.. this morning while sobbing pitifully, she kept asking if i could come earlier and that she misses me. In moments like this, i wish that she will be less sticky and ask for daddy more.. sigh, i don't know which is better? to have super sticky children or children who are more independent? on the other hand, my no2 is pretty cool about leaving me because since she was born, the poor girl has been "outsourced" to other people while i continued to give her insecure big sister lots of attention.. hope u feel better and i'm sure u are still number 1 in your little girl's heart! :)

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    1. oops, i meant holiday in perth without daddy :p

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