Happiness is... focusing on what you have

I read an article recently about how we should focus on being thankful for what we have, instead of constantly lamenting on what we are missing.

It was a poignant and timely reminder for me, especially since I found this motherhood period of raising two teens, one tween and one preschooler to be really tough at times. Which is hardest? Well, without a doubt, the teens.

I find myself on a steep learning curve as a teen mum and it's definitely an arduous journey that requires a tremendous amount of patience, effort, understanding and compromise. Yes, I never think it would be easy but I didn't expect it to be this tough too. I find myself crying in the shower, at bedtime or when I am alone, hoping to find a way to release the stress without others knowing. If you have ever been in a similar boat too, trust me, I know.

As a hands-on mum for the past 17 years, I hope to see this as a serious challenge that will take me long to overcome but with hard work and a strong belief, hopefully there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Therefore, I feel that it's really important to learn to see the positives and have a grateful heart along the way. In this post of "Happiness is...", it's about focusing on what we have and stop wishing for what we don't.

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I love having one-on-one dates with the little one and I think four is a terrific age to be at. He is still as cute as a button, he asks the most innocent and funniest questions, he has this curiosity about everything around him and the most important thing is, he loves to hang out with me regardless of where we go or what we do.

So even if we just sit on a swing and do nothing or wander around aimlessly in our neighbourhood, he is still as happy as a lark. I cherish this so much and I like taking him to new places to explore too, just him and me.

Back at home, we still have home cooked meals every couple of days and you have no idea how much I appreciate having all four kids home for dinner. I am already visionalising how it would be like in a few years - the girls will in JC/Poly or even university and the hubby and I would love for them to experience hostel life like we did (we met in NTU Hall 6!) so maybe we might see each other once or twice a week only.

Fast forward to even a few more years later, the boys would for NS and that is when we can only see them when they book out on weekends. Yes, it might still sound far away but it really isn't so far in actual fact. Yes, time flies!

So I do treasure such family moments even if they are bickering or talking back all the time. It's still a time where we talk about and catch up on each other's lives and get to listen to all kinds of stories and updates.

It's extra fun when the kids step into the kitchen to help out and this month, we made homemade pizza and Ariel fried potato balls too. Yummy!

With the little one fast growing up and developing his own character, it is my wish that the older siblings will still make time to spend with him like how they fussed over him and dashed to him the first thing when they got home.

One day, Ariel was trying to practise playing on the ukulele and of all of us, she is the most musically inclined and talented. It was a heartwarming sight to see how Ansel took Korkor's ukulele and tried to play along with her and she even taught him a few chords too.

A memorable incident happened this month and that was when Ansel and I came across a bag left on the LRT. Apparently, a primary school boy had left it behind and completely forgot about it when he exited.

Some older folks were crowding around the bag trying to decipher the name and school through the books and there was also a wallet inside too. Alas, they didn't know what to do with it and that was when we decided to step up to be Samaritans and offered to bring the bag to the school. With Asher's help, we did and brought it to the school's General Office and the bag was eventually returned to its owner. Yay!

One good thing about secondary school is that the girls get to have Beyond Classroom Day once in a while and that is akin to homebased learning. So on some days, we would make time to go for breakfast or lunch together. I had a nice one-on-one session with Ariel who is growing up super fast now that she is in Sec 1.  Thankful for that.

We also made time to go for a run and I guess it's more of a jog than a run as we went to Coney Island and spent time on the swings. In any case, I would never have been able to catch up with her if we had run together cos' my girls are both such good runners now. Anyway, the boys were at their Heguru lesson and it was a deeply treasured 1.5hrs of workout time with my daughter #2.

Since the girls are busy with secondary school life especially since both of them have not one but two CCAs, it's natural that I get to spend more time with my sons these days. In not wanting to shortchange them considering how the girls and I went for event after event back in those days, I told myself to keep the energy level and still bring them the younger ones out often.

This time, we went for a 5km run/scoot at a charity run called Race for Good and the boys enjoyed the sweet treats like ice cream, bubble tea and popcorn afterwards. They also went on the bouncy castles for a long time and well, as long as they have not outgrown such stuff and are happy to play, I'm happy to bring them and even join in the fun too.

Media invites are getting rarer now that the kids are growing up and I'm taking a step back. Still, we are grateful for every opportunity that comes our way. This month, we had a mum-and-kids karaoke session at HaveFun in Cineleisure and despite the short 2.5 hours, we enjoyed the food and the singing.

We even brought along the ukulele and my favourite part that day was when we sang "Try Everything" where Ariel played the ukulele and the rest of us used the castanets and maracas and sang together. So much happiness in that moment.

Life as a SAHM of four with no helper, no part-time cleaner and a hubby who is often away, it is really hard to find time for my friends or even myself. Still, I try to meet up with friends when the kids are in school and I stay up to have some me-time when they have gone to bed (which is usually at midnight or even later).

As much as I can, I still try to celebrate my friends' birthdays and let them know that no matter how busy life gets, our friendship is still going strong.

I don't cook everyday so some days, we will just dine out, especially if it's during the school holidays as we usually venture out to have fun.

Three of our favourite dining places are Saizeriya (the kids love the food here and I think the price is reasonable), Yakiniku (all of them loving cooking here!).

With the eldest' prelims and 'O' Level exams lurking around the corner, I am just thankful that we still got to hang out and have meals together. But then again, she really isn't studying so that kind of worries me but this is the age where you can't coerce but have to learn to let go. So let go it shall be and trust that things will turn out fine.

One night, we made an impromptu decision to search for a dessert shop that opens till wee hours and we took the bus to go hunt for it. Yeah, one of the crazy things we do together. Then we realised it was located very near to one of our friend's house so we made a call and lo and behold, not only did our friend join us for dessert but we managed to sneak a visit to her house to visit her guinea pig too. Now that's spontaneity!

We also went out to play badminton after dinner one night and while the hubby was exhausted and wanted to go home, the kids and I headed to McDonalds for midnight supper. Yeah, we've done this umpteen times already and I wonder if the kids will remember all these spur-of-the-moment outings we have. Well, cherish while it lasts!

The boys still love to visit playground so after so many years of motherhood, I'm still constantly on the lookout for new neighbourhood playgrounds so I can bring them to explore places they've never been before.

I love visiting IKEA every now and then even if I don't have anything in mind to buy. So this little one would accompany me and we would take public transport to go here and have a good meal together. Of course, the fifty cents soft serve is a must every time too!

He also loves eating 鸡蛋面包 so we will visit places like Toastbox so he can have his fill and be happy. Awww, I'm so going to miss such precious time with him when he goes to Primary School in two years' time.

While the hubby is usually busy with work on weekdays and we do not see him, weekends are when we get together as a family. This was our first time dining at Sushiro so we took a photo for keepsake. Family time is the best!

Now that SIT has moved to Punggol and the whole area has become an exciting digital district, Ansel and I made time to go check it out. We saw students going for lectures, we checked out the vending machines, we crossed bridges and rode the escalators and we took some photos too.

I've never been a fan of shopping at Orchard Road so we don't usually go there, unless there's a movie event or we are planning to head to one of the playgrounds there. The best thing I can think of doing is enjoying our favourite ice cream from the auntie push cart and having a stroll together.

We might not be a fan of crowded town areas but we do love hanging out a pasar malams. In fact, we always make time to visit if we know that there is one in our neighbourhood. We love trying out new food and despite the scorching heat to sit there to have a meal, it's something we usually try to do.

Back at home, I still read to the youngest one nightly during bedtime and I will gladly do so as long as he still wants to listen to stories. We also play games like erasers and the boys are always very happy when Mama joins in the fun and we play aa a trio.

September marks my Dad's birthday so we had a home cooked meal at home and invited the extended family over to celebrate his day. These are moments that I treasure very much even if we do nothing much but eat, talk, quibble and laugh together.

Last but not least, the moment that touched my heart most this month has to be.... the firstborn's secondary school graduation. To make her feel loved, I secretly made a Stray Kids congratulatory, personalised card, a bouquet of handmade pipecleaner tulips and her favourite Puppy M plushie (authentic one which cost a bomb lor). 大宝，你感受到妈妈对你的爱吗？

Honestly, it was such a mix of emotions that day and I can only say the past four years of her growing up has been a roller coaster ride full of twists and turns, ups and downs. It hasn't been easy in the least and we know in our hearts how this journey has been thus far, but to see her graduating and her secondary school life coming to a close, yes, I felt truly emotional and deeply thankful.

So that marks the end of an eventful month and I can only imagine how busy we are gonna be in the upcoming months till the end of 2025.

For one, we are in the midst of planning a 9D8N road trip to celebrate Angel's graduation, Ariel and Asher's birthdays and Ansel going to kindergarten.

Focus on what we have, and accept what we don't, right? Till the next post of "Happiness is"!

Happiness is... enjoying every family outing and celebration

It's amazing how fast time flies. Every month passes in the twinkling of an eye even though it consists of over four weeks. Sometimes, it feels like we didn't do much yet when I looked back at our photos, we did an incredibly lot, it's just that I fail to remember all of them.

That's also why despite the fact that blogs are dying and people are moving onto social media, I still keep up with these posts. To help me reminisce, to jot down memorable moments, to learn from mistakes and to remember the joy.

In this post of "Happiness is...", it's about enjoying every family outing and celebration.

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We love family walks but with the kids growing up and not being fond of big crowds and long waiting times, I think this might be one of our last few events. This month, we attended Skechers Friendship Walk for the umpteenth time and walked a total of 5km together.

The boys loved the carnival games, the girls were more interested in their phones and for me, I was happy to snag a photo with the lovely Hazelle and thankful that we had a nice family morning despite the initial protests.

Even if we don't join such events next time, I still hope we will go for family hikes and visit nature reserves every once in a while. Because such family outings are just so precious to me.

I went on an excursion with Ansel and his school and knowing me, you know that I can never miss such events. It was a fun-filled morning and we had a parent-child race where all of us had to solve clues, answer trivia, take designated selfies and complete tasks before determining the final meeting point.

And guesd what? Out of over a dozen pairs of parent and child, we emerged... Champion! Yeap, this Mama can be quite determined and competitive, haha. It was also a blessing that Ansel was so cooperative that day, he walked and ran when needed, he took wefies when we were supposed to and he didn't grumble at all. We won the first prize and walked home with a glass tumbler and teacups set. Cool!

He also had lots of fun on the flying fox, climbing through rope obstacles and sweating it out with me. On the journey home, he was so exhausted that he fell asleep on my lap. Awwww, my baby.

Do you love steamboats? We do and one of the ones we frequent most is Thien Kee Steamboat at Golden Mile. This started with my grandma and parents and we are continuing that tradition too as we do like the food here, even the kids do too, and it's always nice to gather together for yummy food.

My boys are still young and love theatre shows so we will always try to support local productions and show up for such events. It was probably Ariel's last time joining us as she is also growing up fast and would prefer to stay home to do her own things or hang out with her own friends. Well, whatever chance we get to spend with our teenager kids, we just gotta cherish it.

That said, water parks are still a hit with all of the kids and they still like to visit places like Wild Wild Wet. The rides are still fun to them and this month, we even met mermaids there.

Back at home, we might not cook every day and I think it gets less and less as the kids grow up, stay back in school more or choose to eat out with friends.

But, we still cook at least a couple of times every week and this month, four of us came together to make homemade mee hoon kueh and that was a really fun session. I think we need to do this more often even if I am not fond of clearing up the mess.

I also made them cheese baked spaghetti which they really liked so it's always awesome to see the smiles on their faces even if they don't say "Thank you" or offer to clean up, haha.

Sooooooo... this is how our living room looks like on a normal day. Toys strewn everywhere, laundry taking up more than half of the sofa, dining table covered up by books, worksheets, snacks, stationery and more. It's pretty normal and we are all used to it already. Of course, we try to clean up but it just gets back to this state within a day so it's really tiring to keep doing it. We have never had a helper and don't intend to ever get one, so we just learn to close one eye and live with a messy home.

The youngest and I still go on our adventures, or rather one-on-one hang out time, every once in a few weeks. We try to visit new places, do new things, try new food and I cherish every of these outings with my lastborn.

I know jolly well that one day he will leave the nest too and have his own social circle. By then, if I don't get back to work,  I will be left on my own on most days to lunch by myself. Which is also why I've been thinking of going to find part-time or online jobs. So if you are reading this and have any job lobang, let me know yeah?

With the two Jiejies growing up fast, some days it feels like I only have two kids left. The boys and I still spend every day together, having lunch and dinner, and we also go out for walks, cycling, scooting and play. Even though they still bicker and throw tantrums, I know how much they love each other and I'm so thankful that they are brothers.

I see them playing pretend fight, shootings, Avengers and cars in a way that the Jiejies would not have played so it is really a blessing that they have each other for companion. Things would have been much different if my lastborn was a girl, though we would have loved her all the same. It's just that having two boys and two girls balances it out more and at least they are never alone.

Three more years till this boy turns a teenager and I can already feel the change in his behaviour and attitude as he navigates the hormonal changes in this adolescence period. Some days are tougher to deal with but I hope he knows that Mama loves him to the moon and back, and I always will.

As for my girls, it feels awesome when we go out together, be it for a workout or just a meal. They had a home based learning day this month so while the boys were in school, three of us went for a spinning session and sweat it out together.

Since Teacher's Day is around the corner, the boys and I got down to packing gift bags for their teachers. We bought stationery like notepads and red pens, folders, book stands, old school snacks and protein bars and added personalised notes for every teacher.

Play dates are always welcome so we made time for a couple of them this month too. I like to welcome friends to our humble home though it means that I have to spend time getting the house presentable - remember the super messy state which is the norm? - and ready for our guests. Still, it's nice to have friends coming over, be it to play, eat or chit chat.

Still into movies? Yeah, very much and it's one of the ways we get to spend time together. This month, we watched Superman and Fantastic 4 and they were both pretty cool movies. The good thing about movies is that it's 老少咸宜, so both the old and the young will enjoy it and that is why it is a good way to gather all my kids too, despite their age gaps. I myself love sitting down to watch a good movie and tuck into some cheesy nachos too, so I hope we will always make time to catch a show or two together.

The girls and I filmed our second dance together, this time it is to "Forever" by Babymonster. But it might also be our last as they are rather shy and don't like it to be posted on social media, or we might just do it discreetly at home for the fun of it. Still, it was nice trying to learn the choreography and the filming, as usual, was full of NG takes, blunders and lots of laughter.

With the year end exams coming, we've been using our dining table as a study/work table where we gather to revise together. I try to help Ariel with Math and Chinese and Asher in all his subjects, while delegating some art or simple writing tasks for the youngest to complete. We would also play pop songs on the speaker to give everyone some motivation and this kind of Sunday might seem boring but it's also pretty awesome to be together in this way too.

Last but not least, August marks our nation's birthday and we usually host a gathering for the extended family members to come over to celebrate together.

We tucked heartily into home cooked food, watched the parade together, stood up to sing to our national anthem and recite our pledge with pride, and celebrated the occasion with some champagne too. It's just so nice to gather together and be merry, to all be clad in red tops and to feel the patrotism in the air.

That marks the end of August and it was a good month spent with our loved ones. But even if I say that, it doesn't mean I didn't have challenges to overcome, and by that I mean lots of arguments, backtalking, defiance behaviour, bad attitude, meltdowns and all. These are all part and parcel of my life and I don't think they will disappear anytime soon in the near future.

So what I've learnt is to accept it, get used to it and stop wondering what I did to deserve it. Being a mum is hard, and will always be hard. But since I chose to be one, time and again, then I just gotta see it till the end.

After all, even if it is daunting at times, it is still the most rewarding and fulfilling journey I've undertaken. I am happy and proud to be a mother. And I hope you are too.

Let's make the most of the time we have with our families and cherish the kids before they are all grown up. Till the next post of "Happiness is...".