My one and only

Posted by ~Summer~ on December 18, 2012
in ,

In the last few weeks, I've been extra cherishing every single moment I get to spend with Angel. To feel her every kiss, to give her a tight bear hug, to cuddle with her in bed, to hold her tiny hand when we are out, to stroke her little face as if she's the most precious gem in the world.

Yes, I am just enjoying time left with my one and only girl.

Things are about to change soon, aren't they?

I suppose it's inevitable that with every new addition to the family, mums will start to wonder how things will be like.

Will I love my second child as much as my first?

Will I be able to spend enough time with both of them?

Will I be neglecting my older child 
because I have a newborn to look after?

Am I being sensitive enough to their needs?

Am I a good mum?

Indeed, some of these questions naturally popped up in my mind too.

After all, Angel and I have spent the first three years of her life abroad and I have to tell you that this bond is like no other. We fought loneliness together, we battled against cold winters, we stuck together every day and night, we laughed and cried as one, and it was her who was beside me every step of the way as I learnt to be a mum.

That overseas experience was one memorable journey we had which made me grow, made me stronger, and of course, made me fall in love with her every day. I didn't have much family or friends in Sweden, but I had her, and that was enough to fill my world with happiness and love. Living in Singapore is a totally different thing, we now have friends and family who are rushing to shower our kids with affection and who can't wait to hold them in their arms. It's not about whether it's a good or bad thing, it's just that things are different now.

Having two kids is also vastly unlike having just one. While we could devote all our time solely to caring for Angel when she was a baby, we now have to consider both spending time with Ariel and yet not neglect Angel's feelings. Like I start to worry how Angel will feel when meimei (little sister) arrives and takes up much of our attention, will she be jealous, will she be sad? Who's going to bathe, cook or take her to the library during my confinement? Will she be ok if meimei wants to tug my hair to sleep just like what she does? How will she react when she sees meimei for the first time?
 
She does say that she is waiting for meimei and that she wanna dote on her, kiss her and even watch me breastfeed her. But as we all know, saying it and doing it can be two totally different things. So yes, I am still making it a point to be extra sensitive to her needs in this period. Nonetheless, I do think it's time for her to have a sibling, time for her to become a big sister and learn to be capable of looking after and showing love for others.

As for the big question of Will I love my second child as much as my first?, it might be easy for me to say yes now and I can only tell you more after I experience it. But I do think that mentality plays a big part and so before we start to worry that our love will diminish, I would rather believe in the equation that when it comes to the love of a mum, this love never minuses or divides; in fact it can only add but best of all, it multiplies.

For as much love as I felt for my first kiddo, or that I keep saying it grows stronger everyday, I believe that there's still plenty of love left in my heart to give to my second. 

Maybe pregnancy is like a miracle of life whereby a seed of love is planted into your body and by the time your baby arrives, this seed has blossomed into a tree and your heart is now overflowing with love to give.

For as much love as I felt for my first kiddo, I mean what's there not to love about her (am I kidding me?), I know that she is going to be a most awesome big sister even if that means she has to learn to give, to share and to compromise along the way. I know, I just know, that I am going to be so proud of her.

For as much love as I felt for my first kiddo, I realise that no matter what happens, she's always going to hold that special place in my heart. Always. It doesn't matter how many kids I end up having, it doesn't matter how old and frail I become, it doesn't matter which part of the globe we live in, so long as we are family, every child will be a treasured and irreplaceable gem in my eyes.

To Angel and Ariel, know that you will forever be my one and onlies and nothing's ever gonna change that. Mummy loves you both just as deeply.

******
Linking up with 
MummyMOO


19 comments:

  1. Beautiful post Summer. The same thoughts run through my mind as I think about having Lil Munchkin too. Time may be limited but love definitely knows no bounds. I''m so sure you will be able to manage and love both of them dearly xox

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

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    1. Thanks Ai, yes, love definitely knows no bounds. =) I hope I can do it too! =)

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  2. Adorable cherub and a beautiful post Summer. Your heart will expand to love them both abundantly.

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    1. Thanks Trish! I love how you put it, my heart will expand! =)

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  3. Aaaaw, beautiful post. I had all those worries myself when number 2 and 3 were on the way, but my kids are so loving and pleased with one another I know now I didn't need to. Each of them holds their own special place in the elastic ball that is your heart and life. They each mean something to one another too, and having more has enriched our lives so much. Good luck, I know your girls will be just fine. xx

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    1. Awww that's so sweet, I like it when you say they each mean something to one another too. Thanks so much for popping by and for the well wishes!

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  4. I had the same thoughts when I was pregnant with my 2nd kid. Especially when she was an "accident". I wasn't really prepared for her sudden arrival and feels that I haven't spend enough time with my first child.

    Now that she is out, sometimes I feel guilty towards her. Cause her bro is at a stage where he requires alot of our attention. So she has been left alone to play with herself most of the time. I remember how I use to read to my boy everyday when he was younger, now, I still read to my boy cause he demands to but I have little time left for my girl.

    However, like they say, Love grows when you have more than one kid. But really, time doesn't. Nonetheless, I'm also looking forward to the day where my girl will grow older and start playing with her brother. For now, I'm still trying to find the balance in spending time with them both "equally".

    And congrats to you. I'm sure everything will iron out as we grow along to be mother of 2.

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    1. Ahhh accidents always turn out fine, after a while, you realise how deep your love runs for him/her too! =) Yes we are all learning each step of the way and I'm sure you'll be a great mum to both your kids. It's true that love grows but time doesn't, we just gotta make full use of it and find the balance like you say! Don't hit yourself too hard when it doesn't 'equal', it's quality over quantity, both your kids will know how much you love them through your actions! Thanks so much for sharing and let's jia you together!

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  5. The thoughts running through your head are normal. However I am sure that you will be able to give attention to both girls and will not neglect one in favour of another. For me I made sure I spend more time with the elder one in the inital week or so but including him in activities which I had to do with the baby. This will help with the change in schedule for the whole family.

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    1. I see I see, thanks for the tips Dom! =) Yes I will try to spend time with the elder one and include her in as much as possible too! =p She can't wait to see me bf! Lol.

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  6. Summer, this resonated deeply with me: "After all, Angel and I have spent the first three years of her life abroad and I have to tell you that this bond is like no other. We fought loneliness together, we battled against cold winters, we stuck together every day and night, we laughed and cried as one, and it was her who was beside me every step of the way as I learnt to be a mum."

    Like you, I learnt about motherhood through the boy. I learnt to be more patient, more loving, more tolerant, happier, kinder. He made me a better person.

    Will I have another one? If I do, will I be able to love him / her as much as I love the first born? I think I will. Because the heart is very resilient. It is expandable. There is always room in your heart to love another one. No differently... for all parents love their children unconditionally.

    There will be undoubtedly moments which will make you question the love you give - but I'm so very sure that you will be fine :)

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    1. Isn't it ironic how kids teach us more about life than we teach them, in a sense? =) I love how you said that the heart is expandable and resilient. =) I sure hope there's lots of room in my heart and yes, definitely the love of parents for their kids is unconditional. Thanks so much for the encouragement!

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  7. What a lovely post - thankyou for sharing x

    #teamIBOT

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  8. "A mother's love multiplies." - Love this! :)

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    1. Hee thanks! I must learn from you how to be a great mum of two girls! =)

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  9. I think we all feel like that; as if we could never love another one as much as the first, but we do. The love does multiply like you said, and grows and expands and completley takes over. xx

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    1. Thanks Jess, love is the most amazing thing on earth, isn't it? =)

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  10. I can tell that you can Angel have a very special bond and no 2 will bring along it's sweet and special moments too. I'm sure you'll do fine with some adjustments. Give everyone time to cope and don't give yourself unnecessary pressure. Who knows Angel may just show you her very sensible and sisterly side and dote on her younger sister. So excited for you!

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Yoohoo, thanks so much for reading my blog and leaving your comment! I am feeling the love! (^.^)