IF patience could be bought

Posted by ~Summer~ on March 08, 2012

I wouldn't say that I'm the best-tempered person around. If you know me and think I'm very mild-tempered, gentle, demure and someone who probably doesn't even know how to scream, you just haven't seen my true colours yet. Ask the hubby, he knows me best and why I will never win the best wife or best mum awards, if there are.

Then again, it would be unfair to label myself as a mean and bad-tempered person, the kind who tramples on kittens, who lashes out physical abuse if someone bumps into her, who smashes vases, tables, chairs during a fight, who starts a cold war and refuses to talk for as-long-as-she-deems-fit, who has to have the last word in an argument and the word "Sorry" doesn't exist in her dictionary.

It's amazing how Angel brings out the best in me, but yet also the worst in me.

I see myself giving praise and sweet hugs much more than before; yet I also flare up and scold more than I like to think I do.

I see myself becoming braver than I could ever imagine; but at the same time I also become fearful, I'm scared of losing her, scared of hurting her and scared of failing to protect her as a mum.

I see myself smiling and laughing countless times every day; yet I also sulk and frown more easily than before, I get upset when my girl refuses to eat, refuses to sleep or refuses to hold my hand on the streets.

Yes, it's one of those emo nights when I feel that I need to reflect upon myself and think of the times when I could have been a better mum.


#1 Picking up the shit

Angel scores a perfect 10/10 when it comes to peeing in the potty, but she's having trouble pooping in it. I know that it's quite a common issue, but well, she basically loves to poop in her diapers and when she's not wearing one at home, she gets frantic and cries whenever the shit comes.

One day, we were at home and she was in her panties and pants when suddenly I saw the Mummy-I-am-gonna-shit look on her face. I quickly carried her to the potty but it was too late. She had pooped in her pants.

I chided her and reminded her on where she should do her business. She said "Potty!" and so I called it quits and went to wash the shitty pants and cleaned her up.

Lo and behold, whaddayaknow, within half an hour, SHE DID IT AGAIN.

That made me lose it and I started shouting at her. No verbal abuse, but fierce, reprimanding words of how she should not do that and have someone pick up her shit time after time. Yes, I was pretty furious. Though she was crying, I insisted that she sat on the potty and not move while I went to the toilet to clean her pants again. She surprisingly did as per told and did not follow me like I expected.

Then, when I went back to look at her in a more loving manner now that the fumes have subsided, I asked her if she still had any more poop waiting to come out.

That was when I saw that she had excreted one long piece of brown, smelly poop into the potty all by herself when I left her. I was proud, yes, but guilty. Sure, the potty did work out but I also left my girl alone when she was afraid, crying and all she wanted by her side was mummy.

Lesson learnt: I need more patience, to never leave her when she's scared, to never let her think that she has to face the world alone, even if she's in deep shit.


#2 It's mine, it's mine!

I guess it's typical for kids to claim ownership of things they like, even if they really don't belong to them.

Two days ago, I bought some glass beads in wanting to make a bracelet as a gift for a friend. Judging from how Angel loves beads and all things small and round, it wasn't a surprise that she ended up loving the bracelet and insisted it was for her, even though I had explicitly told her it wasn't.

Ended up we had a small fight over it and snatched the bracelet from each other. Obviously, I won and she ended up crying again. This time round, she cried till she puked. I didn't think it was right for me to give in to her just so to pacify her, nor did I bear to let her cry so much so I told her I would get another set and make one just for her. Which didn't really work because at this point, nothing would.

Eventually, she calmed down and fell asleep. Me, I felt so bad and kept thinking what I should have done. The next day, she spotted the bracelet again and amazingly told me "This is for yi-yi (auntie)" and even said "Later I give her".

Lesson learnt: I need more patience, to not let my moment of anger blind me and to never engage in any kind of fights with my girl, even snatching, but to spend more time explaining, because she really gets it.


#3 Now you can, now you can't!

Last night, I was making formula milk for Angel when she ran up, all eager to help. Nowadays, she loves to scoop up the milk powder and put it into the milk bottle, which given her less than perfect aiming, usually creates a mess and ends up wasting precious milk powder. So I try to avoid letting her scoop it but allow her to help in other ways like holding the bottle, closing the powder box etc.

The thing was, she insisted so much on taking the scoop and when I didn't give it to her, she snatched it forcefully away from me and made a mess, which made me unhappy and I beat her hand. Which was something I regretted because jw and I have said before we won't beat our kids unless absolutely necessary.

Hearing the commotion, the hubby came out and said "Dear, Angel is just confused because just now I let her scoop the powder." Which made me regret the beating even more. Of course she would be muddled up if one moment Daddy lets her do it, then Mummy comes and say no, she shouldn't do it.

Thankfully she forgot about the beating and came to hug me to sleep, as always. It's just that for me, some things ain't so easily forgotten.

Lesson learnt: I need more patience, to be willing to talk more calmly and nicely, to take more effort in understanding her behaviour before jumping to a conclusion.

So, I realised that patience is really a key factor in parenting. Even the most patient person on earth can do with a little more patience when it comes to kids. 

Sometimes, I do wish patience could be bought when my head is about to split and I feel like ripping off all my hair. But then again, it would be pointless, would it? Parenthood is a journey to learn, to gain and to discover. 

If anything, patience has to be earned and that's why this is such a gratifying and rewarding journey. I'll just have to work doubly hard from now.


  1. The things you write down are what I'm going through as well.. Patience is definitely not one of my virtue.

    When my girl was younger I was more patient with her because she was well, a baby and didn't know better. Now she is a young toddler whom I think can comprehend a lot of things so I guess my expectations go up. Need to remind myself she is STILL just a toddler...

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

    1. Hihi, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this, thanks Ai. Yes I think now that our girls have grown from babies to toddlers, it's another challenge altogether and we do expect them to listen, to obey and to play their part more than before. I definitely have to remind myself that she is STILL a 2-year-old too who needs a patient and loving mum be by her side.

  2. Summer, you are a very sweet mommy to angel.. Don't be so hard on yourself ok, chill!!! :D

  3. Thanks girl! =) You should see me when I scream like a tigress at her though. Haha. =) Anyway yup, we are all good mummies, jia youz!

  4. i wish i could show your blog to those who scream and hit their kids like they are born to be abused n owe the parents 100 lives, show them wat a fckin asshole they are, where this SWEET and CARING mummy here is chiding herself at the slightest lost of temper. sorry to intrude ur blog with vulgar, personally i love kids alot, it just pissed me off totally when i see poor kids being abused and mis-treated. Shuang, you are not even close to being the tiniest bit of bad mummy, Angel is proud of you, your hubby is proud of you, the whole world (who reads your blog and sees how loving you are to Angel) is proud of u!

    1. Hey girl, no worries, thanks for thinking so highly of me but I'm sure I really can be better. Anyway yes there are people who believe in beating and caning their children for the better, I can't say it's right or wrong because every parenting style is different and totally up to the mum and dad. I'm sure they love their kids deeply too, just that they instill discipline by physical punishment. Well, glad to know you love kids just like me too! Hope pics of Angel will keep you smiling every day! Thanks much yeah!

    2. Nope, u wont feel the same if you see how a MOTHER asks a 8 yr old kid to do household chores and buy lunch and dinner for the family while that fckin mother sleeps the whole day away, only to wake up hitting the poor kid till bruises and bleeding.. and the kid can even say (at the age of 8) " jiejie, 她最好永远不要起来,以起来就骂和打人“ and at the age of 8 say "die better, life sucks" SOBS T_T

    3. and that mofo has zero sense of guilt or remorse. when i was reading your blog, i felt litres of tears for those kids without parents emotionally. sorry, they aren't even fit to be called parents. they are worse than poops and shits. =X T_T

    4. Omg that sounds really sad for the 8-year-old. =( Sigh, life isn't perfect. I wish every parent would realise how lucky they are to even have a kid in the first place. But anyway, I'm definitely against abusing kids and beating them till they bleed and bruise. Well, I'm sure you'll be a great mum next time too!


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